Justification
 

He was in a dark room, walls stretching out to his sides and behind into infinity.  A spotlight singled out a throne on the floor in front of him.

"Blair Sandburg."  He jumped at the deep voice. "You have been called upon to justify your relationship with James Ellison."

A figure appeared, sprawling on the throne, one leather clad leg hanging idly over the arm.  He was tall, with a white deaths-head mask over his face and heavy black gauntlets covering his hands.

Blair gaped. "What?"

"You have been given a gift.  The precious gift of life.  Yet you have squandered it with a man who does not respect you.  How do you plead?"

"Oh, man." Blair knocked himself in the head with his hand. "This is because of that Next Gen marathon I went to last week, isn't it?  I knew I could only watch 'All Good Things' so many times before my mind snapped. So who are you supposed be, huh? Q or something?"

"I am The Inquisitor.  I am the one all must answer to."

"Answer to?" I'm already dead, so what the hell "Who are you to judge me, man?"

"Your judge will be," the figure raised his mask and Blair stared in shock at his own features.  "Me!  I mean, you.  I mean...well, us. Hi."

"You're me?" Blair asked stupidly.

The Inquisitor shrugged. "Yeah, well, I'm actually a facet of your personality.  An extension, if you will.  It works out fairer for everyone this way."  He leaned forwards in the throne. "So, come on man, give."

Blair blinked. This is waaaay too Zen "Give what?"

"Justify your relationship with Jim."

Blair shook his head.  "Look, if you're supposed to be me, then you know there's nothing to justify."

"Oh really?" The Inquisitor made a gesture and a portal appeared. Blair watched as an irate Jim Ellison slammed him up against a wall.  "Well?"

Blair shook his head. "Come on man.  You can't count that as evidence. I mean, he was freaking out, probably thought I was some punk-ass kid yanking his chain or something."

The Inquisitor nodded in agreement.  "Yeah. You're right.  But what about this?" Another scene.  Jim grabbing his arms, jerking him off the floor.

"Aw, come on.  That was a fight.  You can't count that either.  Do you have anything that doesn't include Jim's senses looping out?"

The Inquisitor paused, tilting his head. "Hang on. Umm yeah. How about this?"

..."Stay in the truck".....

..."Call for backup"....

..."Keep out of it"...

Blair shook his head.  "What's that supposed to mean?"

The Inquisitor laughed.  "Does the phrase 'Phoneboy' mean anything?  How many times has Jim dragged you into something, then left you out while he goes off and does the big hero act?"

"Whoa." Blair held up his hands.  "You can't count that.  I mean, sure, it irks me at times, but it kinda makes me feel ok.  I know he's looking out for me. I know he's trying to protect me."

"Mother you."

"Protect me."

"Mother."

"Protect."

"If he wants to protect you, why did he leave you alone in the woods?"  Blair saw himself, flickering lighter clenched in one hand, peering desperately in the darkness trying to see.  He flinched as the stock of Wade's gun came at his face. That one had hurt. "C'mon, he left you to fend for yourself while he went out for a walk."

"He left me because he had to find Simon. I couldn't keep up, because - " Blair wished he could bite off his own tongue.

"Because you were hurt," finished The Inquisitor. "And he *still* left you.  What kind of friend is that?"

"One who knew I could generally take care of myself.  One who trusted me to take care of myself."

"So you let him down?"

"Yes. No.  I Ju-" Blair pushed his hair frustratedly off his face.  "You know what I mean."

The Inquisitor looked shamefaced.  "Yeah.  I know.  But you've still gotta justify yourself.  I have to do this. I can't play favours."

"You want justification?  How about this, huh?  How about Lash?  How about," Blair swallowed. "Golden?  Now I've seen the surveillance tapes, man.  I was totally whacked out.  I was shooting up everything, I couldn't trust anyone, I couldn't see anything but those damn fire people.  But Jim got through to me.  Jim, I trusted.  Jim made them go away.  Jim made it ok.  I mean, he put up with my mood swings, he put up with my crazy ape, he put up with my mother, he put up with me chasing everything in a skirt...he took me into his life, man. He took me into his home."

"The Loft."  The Inquisitor pressed. "He threw you out of the Loft.  Your home."

"His home.   It was only ever supposed to be a week." Blair protested weakly

"It was three years, man.  It was your home too.  And he tossed you out on your ear because he was pissed."

"That wasn't Jim."  Blair said desperately.  "That was Alex.  Something about another Sentinel was fucking him up, I mean BIG time.  He didn't know what he was doing.  He would have come around, once she had left."

"Alex."  The Inquisitor nodded.  "Why didn't you tell him?  Why did you keep her a secret?"

Blair looked at the floor. "I thought maybe, if I found another Sentinel, I could use her.   Keep her away from Jim, use her as the subject for my thesis instead.  And then he found out and it snowballed from there." Until I ended up in a scene from some sort of B-grade film.

"Your thesis." The Inquisitor nodded sagely.  "What about your thesis?"

"That."  Blair paused.  That had hurt. Hurt deeply, because there was no reason behind it that he could see. "Nah, that was cool." he lied.

"Crap man, you can't lie to me.  I'm you.  That really hurt.  He wanted you to chuck it all in, three years work and for what? 'cos he didn't like the way you wrote him? That has got to be pushing the meter."

Anger flared. "Yeah. Yeah, it did."  Blair slammed his fist into his palm.  "It really sucked.  I mean, what did he think he was doing?  Three years of my life, man. Defence and research and trying to juggle Uni with twenty four hour stints at the PD and for what?  'Sorry, but Mr. Sentinel wants you to be his alone.' " He shot the fist into the air, describing a downwards trajectory.  "Flusssssh. Straight down the toilet."

"He hurt you." said The Inquisitor softly.

"Yeah.  He hurt me."

"And you hated him for it."

"Yeah, I did."

"Then you don't want to go back."

Blair stopped suddenly. What the hell am I doing?  "Hang on. You're me, right?  Then you know I wasn't..." he threw his arms up into the air. "I mean look at it.  What was I gonna do?  Huh?  Finish it off, get it published and then walk away?  Uh-uh." Suddenly something went *click* in his mind and he let his hands drop to his sides.  "It's like I said. Roller coaster / merry-go-round.  I would have jumped right back in with Jim,"  he said softly, looking up at The Inquisitor on the throne. "And you know it."

The Inquisitor nodded. "Yes." A smile broke out over his face.

Blair shook his head.  "What?  If you knew all that, why the hell did you put me through this?"

"Because you had to prove it to me.  To yourself.  I had to show you the future."

"The future?  You can do that?"

"Of course I can."  The Inquisitor tapped the gauntlet on his right hand.  "This gauntlet lets me play around with time. It's so cool.  I can go anywhere, change anything.  From the beginning to the end." He grinned.  "Wanna see?"

"Yeah."  Blair nodded. "Show me Jim.  Show me what happens to Jim if I die."

The Inquisitor's smile faded. "Are you sure, man? I mean - "

Blair's voice was firm. "Show me."

The Inquisitor shook his head.  "You're not gonna like it."  He made a gesture and the portal appeared again.  "There are several possible futures..."

....Jim knelt by a gravestone, fingers running over the words engraved on it. "I'm so sorry, Chief."  He opened his senses, his breathing growing slower and slower until it stopped....

....Jim faced Alex, his gun held ready. "You killed my Guide."  Slowly the gun wavered.  "Finish it." He dropped the weapon to the ground and held his arms out as she moved in for the kill....

....Jim, alone in the loft, sitting on the floor surrounded by empty bottles of alcohol, slowly turning a revolver clip over and over in his fingers....

"But they all end the same."  The Inquisitor finished sadly. "Without his Guide, the Sentinel is destroyed."

"No."  Blair clenched his fists by his sides. "No.  There has to be another way." He paced the floor, fists tapping on his thighs. "Hang on.  You said you could manipulate time, right?"

The Inquisitor nodded.

"Then take me back so I don't die."

The Inquisitor sighed. "I shouldn't do this, man.  It's totally against the rules."

"You wanna see Jim dead?"

"No."

"Then do it."

The Inquisitor held his gaze for a moment, then flipped his mask back down, tapping his gauntlet.

There was a swirl of green light...

"No," Jim whispered. "Not another one."

Simon and Brown gently pulled him away.  "It's over, Jim.  Let him go."  There were tears in the Captain's eyes.

"NO!" Jim tugged himself free and fell to his knees beside the still form.  "Dammit, don't stop!" he yelled at the paramedics, movements jerky as he kept up the CPR.  Finally he stopped and leant his forehead on the still chest.  "Don't..." he whispered brokenly.

Then he heard it.

A single blessed thump.

Then another.

He raised his head, hands splaying across Blair's chest, fingertips thrilling at the slight vibration. "That's right, Chief.  You can do it."

Blair's body jerked, water dribbling from the side of his mouth.  "My God," someone whispered behind them, voice low with awe.

Jim carefully turned Blair onto his side, stroking the wet hair back as his partner retched and choked, bringing up mouthful after mouthful of water, dragging in air in deep, wheezing gasps. Behind him he could hear murmurs of wonderment, gladness, but they were nothing to him.  Nothing against the form that convulsed under his hands. "Easy, Chief. Easy.  I got you," he helped Blair turn onto his back, gathering him into his arms. "You'll be ok, shhh. Easy."

The electric blue eyes shot open, the pale lips moving over words. Jim gently laid his finger across them. "Shhh" he urged gently.

Blair shook his head as a slew of nightmare images swirled through his mind.  "J-Jim," he got out between chattering teeth.  "Don't. Do. It."

Jim pulled his partner closer, tucking his jacket around them both, cradling the smaller man to his chest as he shook.  "Shhh. It's ok, it's ok," he murmured, pressing his cheek against the stringy hair, the smell of herbal shampoo overlaid with chlorine and fear.

The paramedics stepped forward to take Blair, but Jim stopped them with a glance.  Carefully cradling his partner in his arms, he stood and stepped into the ambulance. Blair sighed and laid a limp hand on his shoulder as he sat on a gurney, holding his partner, unwilling to let go. "It's ok, Chief."  Jim whispered as the blue eyes flickered closed and the shivering eased. "I got you."

From far away he heard another voice, deep, sepechural.

"Sentenced has been passed.  You have been justified."

END

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Last modified: November 12, 2010