Goodbye
 

The sun was shining brightly in the blue sky over Cascade Cemetary.

It should be grey  Sam knelt beside a headstone,  running her fingers over the carved letters.

'Blair Sandburg.'

She'd come back to Cascade as soon as she'd heard the news.

Blair Sandburg was dead.

Dead.  She shivered. The word had a horrible finality about it, a finality she didn't want to face.

She remembered the incident with that case, telling him to pour water in the beaker.  The look on his face as the flames gushed out.  It had seemed funny at the time, she was mad at him, thought he deserved it.

It didn't seem so funny now.

She rested her hands on the mound in front of the headstone, feeling the dampness of fresh soil underneath her fingers.  Blair's under here, somewhere.  She stretched her hands out, remembering the man she had loved.

Had loved.

What had gone wrong? Why had she lost this incredible, gentle, loving man?  A man she would have felt comfortable with forever?

She knew the answer.  Her own possessiveness, her own inability to accept the fact that Blair had a life outside her.  She'd resented the fact that he was always following Ellison around,  like a lost puppy.  The fact that he was always there when Jim needed, and never when she wanted.

"I'm sorry, Blair."  She remembered the first time she had seen him.  Walking through the bullpen, a live wire of energy.  That was what had caught her attention.  He was so alive,

dead

one hand holding a cup of coffee, the other gesticulating wildly, punctuating a speech Jim was only listening to with half an ear.

She remembered the way it had been during that first kiss, those lips, so warm

cold

against hers, slow, sweet, gentle.  The look on his face when she rejected his present, the determination on his face as he had stepped back in, taking it away, leaving her feeling so empty.

The smile he had given her when she'd told him 'My window is still open.'

"My window is always open, Blair."  she said softly.

Too late.

Bowing her head, she let the tears fall onto the ground.

Sam looked up at the sound of an approaching car.  She felt the old kiss of faint jealousy as she recognised the burly figure that unfolded from the front seat. God, why can't I let go?

She stood up as he approached her, unmindful of the dirt clinging to her clothes. "Jim."

"Sam."

She let him pull her into an embrace, her tears spilling over into his jumper.  After a moment, she broke free, scrubbing a hand over the damp trails on her face as she walked quickly away.

Jim watched her disappear into the copse of trees, then turned, heart heavy.  The words engraved on the headstone leapt out at him, as they alway did.

Burning their way into his brain.

'Blair Sandburg.'

His Guide.

Jim kneeled beside the grave.  "Chief." He felt so alone.  So empty.

All through the nightmare days that had followed Blair's death he had hoped - Hell, he'd *expected* an appearance by his Spirit Guide.  Another chance, a choice.  A choice he would have taken, even if it meant losing the Sentinel, losing his senses, losing his life.

Anything to hear that voice again.

His senses were still there.  He had expected them to fade out of existence without Blair's guiding presence, but they had stayed, stubbornly refusing to go.

At the funeral, he had forced himself into a zoneout, concentrating on the sound of the dirt as it had covered the coffin.  A part of him held the mad hope that he could *force* the Spirit Guide to call his partner back.

'Jim?'  He'd snapped out at the sound of his name, gasping air into his lungs as he looked up in hope.

Simon.

Ever since that day he'd kept them turned down, turned off. Screw the Sentinel of the Great City.  Screw the senses.  He didn't want them.  If they couldn't even protect his Guide, he didn't want them.

Jim gripped the headstone in his hands and rested his forehead against the smooth polished side. He concentrated on the smooth marble underneath his skin,  opened his senses, letting them take him where they would.  A part of him registered his body shutting down as he began to zone.

He didn't care.

He wanted to die.

~Jim~

No.

~Jim.  Hey, Jim, man, come on.~

His eyes snapped open.  A pale form waved into existence next to him.  "Blair?"  he asked, not daring to hope.

His partner smiled, the old familiar, easy smile. ~They wouldn't let me come back.~

"Who?"

Blair jerked a thumb upwards, towards the sky.  ~Up there. They said it was over, end of time.~   He grinned as his form began to fill out, solidify.  "But they granted me an extension."

"Blair!"  Jim flung himself at the figure.

"Whoa, easy Jim, I've only got this bod on loan."  Blair chuckled as he returned the fierce embrace.

They collapsed down on the grass together,  clinging tightly.  "Blair.  Blair, I am so sorry." Jim sobbed, pressing his face into the soft shoulder, feeling the curls whisper over his cheek.

"Shh. It's ok, Jim.  It's ok."

"It's my fault.  If I hadn't said, if I hadn't -"

"Jim.  Stop it."  Blair gently tugged his face upwards.  "I. Don't. Blame. You." he said firmly, punctuating the statement by shaking Jim's chin slightly. "What happened, happened.  It was Karma, man, destiny.  It would have happened if you were there or not.  My time was up."

"Why -"  Jim swallowed, looking up.  "Why did you come back?"

"You Jim.  I can't let you do this.  You're the Sentinel."

Jim shook his head. "I don't want -"

"Jim.  You heard Incacha.  You're the Sentinel of the Great City.  Cascade.  It needs you."  Blair gave him a slight shake, turning him to face the city. "There's a whole lot of people down there that are a lot more important than me."

"No. They're not."

"They are, Jim.  In a different way.  Now you can do this, you know you can.  Be careful.  Don't be afraid to ask for help from Simon or anyone else, if you need it. "

"Chief - "

"Promise."

"I - "

"*Promise*"

"I - I promise."

"Good." Leaning forward, Blair kissed his friend softly on the cheek.  "Jim.  I have to go."

"No. Stay."  Jim clung to him.

Blair gently disengaged himself. "I can't, Jim.  I wish I could, but I can't."

"Don't go." Jim pleaded, reaching out to his partner.  "I can't do this.  I need you.  With me."

Blair captured Jim's hand in his. "I'll always be with you, Jim." He pressed the hand to the Sentinels chest, over the heart.  "In here.  Always.  I promise."

Jim nodded, tears tracking down his face.

Blair straightened, then looked over to where Sam was standing, hidden in the small clump of trees.  He gave her a smile, then held both his hands over his heart and pointed at her.  Waving a final farewell as he slowly faded out of existence once more.

~Goodbye~

"Goodbye, Chief."  said Jim softly in reply.

"Goodbye." whispered Sam

With a final look to Jim, she turned and walked quietly away.

All Content Copyright © 2001 Taleya Joinson
Last modified: November 12, 2010