Food Fight - Slash Version
By Taleya

Blair puttered around happily in the kitchen, surrounded by various bowls of food.

Jim Ellison, however, was in a bad mood.

"You used all the hot water again." he accused, pulling his jumper over his head.

Blair turned, skillet in hand. "Oh, sorry Jim.  You know, maybe you should get a bigger tank or something."

"And you didn't use the spray."

Blair turned back to the job in hand.  "Come on Jim, those things are bad for the environment.  You should use the natural alternatives.  You could have an allergic reaction or something, and that would really screw up your senses."

"I don't care.  I'm sick of the smell, and I'm sick of skidding all over those damn wood chips."

"Man, I told you, that stuff's a natural deodoriser.  It'll be better for you than that chemical stuff."

"Sandburg" He stopped suddenly as the smell hit him.  "What the hell are you cooking?"

"Pancakes."  Blair flipped one onto a plate.  "For breakfast.  Shrove Tuesday and all that."

"They smell revolting.  I'm not eating..."

"Relax, Jim. I'm making the standard, white bread, boring ones for you."  Blair reached over and grabbed a bowl.  "Mine on the other hand," he said, holding the bowl like the Holy Grail, "are the special ones."  He surveyed the contents gleefully, pointing out each item.  "A little egg, a little milk, some paw paw, some orange peel, some dates, some herbs..." He held the bowl up for inspection.

Jim took a wary sniff, then jerked back in revulsion. One of his hands smacked the bowl and sent it flying up into the air.   They both watched mesmerised as it hung in the air for a brief second before doing a graceful turn and spraying its contents on the top of Blair's head.

"Chief, I'm sorry, I..."

Blue eyes glared at him from beneath a mop of brown, eggy curls.

Jim couldn't help it.  He started laughing.

"Oh man."  Blair peeled a strip of orange off his nose.  "This isn't funny, Jim. Do you know how long it's gonna take me to get this stuff outta my hair?" he glowered.

"I'm sorry Chief.  You just..." Jim pantomimed his partner's hair before going off into hysterics.  It was just *too* damn funny.  Blair looked like the goop monster from hell. He wrapped his arms around himself as he bent over, weak from laughter.

Blair surveyed his partner speculatively before reaching out and grabbing a bowl of mix.  With an evil grin, he deliberately dumped the entire thing on the back of Jim's head.

"Hey!" Jim barked, gasping in shock as slimy gobbets of he-didn't-want-to-know-what worked their way down his spine.

Blair looked at him and chuckled.  "Oh yeah, I can see the funny side now."

Jim slowly unfolded to his full size. "That's it, Sandburg."  He growled, reaching for an egg.

With a look of fierce concentration on his face, he snagged Blair as he tried to run past to his bedroom.  Trapping his partner against his chest with one arm, he happily ground the egg into the top of his head.

Blair squirmed in his grasp. "AAARGH! Jim, not the hair.  Oh man, it takes long enough to clean as it is."

"C'mon Chief, an egg wash's supposed to be good for hair." said Jim gleefully.

"How would you know?  You haven't got any!" Blair shot back, twisting free and scurrying behind the relative safety of the island bench.

Jim slowly leaned forwards, arms braced on the bench.  "How little you know."  He said, wiggling his eyebrows.

Blair laughed and tossed a handful of dates, grinning as they splattered across Jim's chest, sticking to the goop already dripping down his jumper.

With a thoughtful look on his face, Jim grabbed the bowl of paw paw, weighing it in his hand.

Blair backed away and skidded, shoes sliding on the slimy floor.   With a startled yelp, he disappeared behind the counter.

"Chief?"  Jim peered warily over the counter.  All he could see was a pair of batter soaked sneakers, motionless on the floor.  "Chief?"

Concerned, he vaulted the bench and crouched beside his partner.  "Chief?" He worriedly shook his shoulder.  "Blair?"

"Yahaha!"  Blair snapped his eyes open and flung a handful of batter at Jim before scooting away.

Jim growled and dived behind the couch, grabbing the paw paw on the way.  "You are dead Sandburg."

"Nyah ha man, you gotta catch me first!"  Blair laughed, grabbing another handful of dates.  He cautiously stuck his head up, only to be met by a hail of flying paw paw.  "Aug!  He got me! He got me!"  Blair's laughter pealed across the Loft as he flung the dates back at Jim.

Jim ducked behind the couch again as the dates bounced off the wall to fall in a gentle rain around his head. 

It was quiet.

Too quiet.

"Oh man." Jim cautiously poked his head out from behind the couch.

Blair was ruefully surveying the kitchen.  Batter dripped down the cupboard walls, forming slimy pools on the floor.  Scattered over the kitchen floor and leading into the lounge was an irregular trail of dates and paw paw fragments.

"I guess this blows the House Rule about the proper place for food."

"Yeah, no kidding.  C'mon Jim, we gotta clean this up before it sets or something."

They moved into the kitchen, mops and rags in hand.  Jim dumped the bucket into the sink, carefully skirting the slimy trails.

Blair was still laughing.  "Man, you look like you fell in the mixing vat at the Pancake Parlour."

Jim picked a piece of fruit off his jumper and flicked it halfheartedly at his partner.  "You look like you belong in a B-grade horror movie."

Blair grabbed a cloth and moved to the cupboards.  "I'll do these, you do the floor. It's pretty slippery."  No sooner were the words out of his mouth than he was skidding in the batter.

"Whoa."   Jim grabbed his partner, holding him against his chest to steady him. "Take it easy, speedy."

Blair pushed himself away.  "It's cool, I got it."  Then his feet went out from underneath him again and he grabbed hold of Jim for support.

He looked up into his partners easy grin.  God, even covered in batter....especially covered in batter....going with an impulse, he reached up and kissed Jim.

Blair pulled away, horror in his eyes.  He'd just blown the whole thing, he knew it.  Thirty seconds and he's be out on his ass. "Oh shit Jim, I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to..." He trailed off as Jim moved closer.

"Didn't mean to what, Chief?"

Blair's heart stopped, then sped up as Jim bent down.  He breathed in the soft scent of Jim's aftershave, then opened his lips in full surrender as Jim kissed him 

Much later, Blair opened his eyes and snuggled closer to his Sentinel. "That was nice." he murmured sleepily.

"Chief?"

"Yeah?"  Blair twisted to face him.

Jim absently pulled a fragment of eggshell from his, his lovers hair.

"Next time, use the spray."

All Content Copyright © 2001 Taleya Joinson
Last modified: November 12, 2010