Recollection

By Taleya

Chapter Twenty

He took Neville's advice, and took the time. Time away from his work as an Auror, time to think, to feel. Time to get to know his…family…

It was almost surreal to take things slow, the jar from the frenetic rush of the past few days leaving him a little disorientated. He spent a lot of his time at first just avoiding Remus. It was hard enough trying to adjust without having to think about the bad blood between them. Which of course inevitably led to avoiding Severus by proxy. Which perhaps, was a good thing, until he sorted himself out.

Snape, for his part was oddly grateful for the avoidance. Not only did it give him a little time to come to terms with his own ambivalent feelings, it also allowed him a little time to hide his infirmity.

The setback hadn't been as bad as they'd feared. In fact, the potion had helped, a little - but while his recovery had made a gigantic step he was still far from healed. And the inactivity once would have chafed at him, but this time he allowed himself the luxury of indolence. He'd learned to listen to his own body, to take things far easier during his pregnancy, and it was a habit that had taken root and mellowed him a little over the years.

Poppy, for her part had destroyed the remainder of the potion. The war was over, it wasn't needed. And she would be damned if she ever let anyone else use it again. The price was far too high.

But the dynamic - as welcome as the breathing space was - wasn't working, a half-crippled mockery of what it should have been and soon Remus was hesitantly approaching Harry with an olive branch which the Auror, with a little encouragement from Sirius, gingerly accepted.

Ron, oddly enough had been the first to leave. Not by choice - his work as an Auror called him away. Neville and Hermione returned to their research work a week or so later, but none of his friends had left without first extracting a promise from Harry to keep in touch. None of them wanted the long silence of the past years to return. Ever.

Hermione made good on her threat of daily mail, and soon there was a steady pipeline of owls winding back and forth - from the research institute to Hogwarts and back, likewise for the ministry.

It felt like a rebirth.

 

It was no surprise that he hadn't been welcomed back into the fold with open arms by the general school population once his 'dirty little secret' was out. In fact, most times he was a pariah, the outsider in the school community but he found it didn't actually hurt so much. Three years of separation had distanced him a little from the hurt from those he knew, and as for the general student body - well, those that had been there during his years he really didn't know, concentrating too much on just trying to survive. Those important to him already knew the story, and didn't judge or condemn. And that gave him the strength to face those who did.

Harry ended up spending a lot of time with Sirius. They gravitated towards each other, the 'outsiders' of the little group. Not quite the right wording, they were never made feel unwelcome or awkward, but still finding his place he felt too often like the odd piece of the jigsaw that didn't quite fit. Yet. Hopefully.

They talked for long hours on this and that. True to his word, Sirius didn't judge, didn't take sides. Impartial, or maybe a cop out, it didn't matter, Harry found himself needing someone who would just be there. Who knew what was going on, who would listen to him, but wasn't involved.

It was funny, but they'd never really talked. First it was just getting to know each other, then Pettigrew, the TriWizard tournament, order of the Phoenix, on and on, one thing after another. Troubles shared and burdens halved, they'd talked about the present and the future, but hardly the past and they took the opportunity to make it up in spades. Not as man to child, but as man to man. And Sirius gave him a warts and all edition about his family.

All his family.

For the first time, Harry heard about his grandparents - his father's parents. Sirius didn't know too much about Lily's muggle family, apart from the perfectly natural urge to throttle half of them. But he knew a bit about James' parents.

James was their only child, born rather late in life - in fact, it seemed a little miracle to the pair, who had never expected to be able to have any children.

Sirius had only met James' father a few times, and he was a few feathers short of a snitch, to be blunt. A brilliant wizard from an esteemed house - and a renowned historian, but outside his field he was rather absent-minded in a vacant, put-your-elbow-in-the-gravy-dish manner. He'd been a Hufflepuff, and had died peacefully in his sleep, napping under a window in a warm little patch of sunlight, not long after Harry was conceived. He never got to hold his grandson.

His wife, Harry's grandmother, had been a squib, endlessly fascinated with the Muggle life. Bits and pieces of Muggle technology had slipped into their life, compensating for the simple things her feeble magic couldn't accomplish. A contented housewife in a home filled with old money, her warm and gentle personality had always welcomed any friend into her house. Both she and Harry's grandfather were deeply in love, and she had happily spent her days gently shepherding her absent minded husband about the house, sitting by the fire and knitting endless jumpers and scarves while he pored over his tomes.

James was loved, treasured, and spoiled rotten. Sirius even went as far as to call him an obnoxious little shit - but softened the words with a grin and the acknowledgement that they were all pretty much obnoxious little shits. Thankfully, it was something they'd grown out of.

Leaning back, the animagus had lost himself in the happy years. He looked younger, more carefree, and Harry had a glimpse of the man he would have been in another life.

Sirius and James had known each other a little before Hogwarts. Both from Godric's hollow, they'd run into each other here and there, enough for them to cling together as familiar faces on the crowded platform when heading off to school for the first time.

They had stuck close together as they made their way along the train, choosing a booth near the end of the train. The only occupant had been a thin-looking young boy in the corner beside the window, who had looked up and smiled tentatively at them before returning to his book.

The trolley had arrived soon into the trip, and with the usual appetite of young boys they'd ordered four of everything.

James had caught the quiet thin boy looking longingly at their snacks before forcing himself back to his book, noted the torn sleeves of his worn robe and had been about to tentatively offer a chocolate frog when a frantic ball of student had hurtled down the corridor and into their booth. Burying himself under Sirius' legs, he'd squealed like a stuck pig when a tall blonde appeared in their doorway, evidently in pursuit.

He was dressed in a fine silk robe cut in an imitation of the Hogwarts style, hair slicked back from narrow features and exuded an air of arrogance that had set them all off.

It was hate at first sight.

Leaning arrogantly against the doorframe, the blonde had calmly introduced himself as Lucius Malfoy. When that failed to make any impact on the assembly, he'd proceeded to mock Sirius' ridiculous, parent-enforced haircut, the worn and ragged look of the robes of the quiet, golden-eyed boy in the corner, and last, but not least, James Potter himself. The richer houses knew each other by reputation, several long dreary dinners both their fathers had presided at and he and James had butted heads before. Son of a squib and how the standards of Hogwarts must be slipping if they allowed a magicless little toad like him into the halls. Or perhaps his father had mislaid him at the station?

Recognising a fight in the making, the small fat boy - Pettigrew - had squeaked and hid under the seat. Standing, James had quite coolly proved his magical worth by stunning the boy, Sirius had followed it up with a rather endearing bonnet and bib, the little fat boy had garnered the courage to smear the blonde's face with chocolate and jam half a frog into one hand, giggling all the while - and the quiet, golden-eyed boy who was named Remus Lupin had stood up and quite calmly poured a pitcher of iced Pumpkin juice over Malfoy's crotch. Then they'd shoved him out into the train corridor and introduced themselves to each other.

They'd been fast friends for that moment on.

 

Tales of Hogwarts escapades flew past over the days - of discovering Remus' secret and the decision and learning of how to become Animagi. Books swiped from the restricted section, crouched under blankets with wand and book, gobbling bertie botts by the handful while poring over the means and ways, practising in the Forbidden Forest - and one instance where James had only been able to transform halfway, and how they'd made up a hasty excuse that he was a centaur when their frightened yells had attracted the gameskeeper Mahoney. The fact that James' bottom half was human with a stag upper half had drawn a doubletake, but they'd managed to get away with it.

Officially forming the Marauders, the creation of the map, meeting Lily Evans and how James had fallen head over heels in love. Pranks on Slytherin, pranks on teachers - hell, pranks on everyone - evidently the Weasley twins had nothing on their predecessors - Quidditch matches, study sessions, graduation. Good times.

Then Voldemort.

Here Sirius' tales of the past had stuttered and died. Man to child or man to man, there were times in his past he never wanted to touch on again.

And Harry didn't push the issue. He didn't want to talk about his own past either. Did, yet at the same time didn't. There was so much he wanted to tell the other man. About the past three years, the things he had seen, the things he had done, but he kept them to himself, deep inside himself. Sirius' stories of bravery and mayhem and friendship and good ol' Gryffindor made him feel ugly, somehow filthy for betraying his house and friends for so long.

So he talked about the present. And the future. Sirius learned early on that the best way to get Harry to open up from the oddly quiet man he'd become was to start a conversation about his daughter. Rather than spend every available minute with her, he divided his time, taking it slow. Maybe an hour here, a day there, letting them slowly get used to each other.

Araminta, for her part, took it all in stride. More than used to being cosseted by staff, students, ghosts and portraits alike, she saw nothing unusual with Harry's gradual attempts at affection. After all, she was a two year old. It was hers by right.

But still, Harry fretted a little. He'd never been around children before, except for when he was one and was absolutely terrified he was going to stuff something up. Not feeling comfortable enough yet with Remus and Snape, he poured himself out to Sirius.

He was a father. But he didn't have the first clue on how to be one! What was he supposed to do, was he supposed to be a stern disciplinarian? But what if she hated him for it?? But if he was too soft, she'd walk over him and how could she respect him? The dichotomy maddened him at times.

Sirius listened patiently, then gave him the best advice he'd ever heard. "Be yourself. And let her be herself. You'll sort out how things work - just like any other relationship. Just give it a little time." A grin sparked his features. "That's the exact same thing I said to your father. When he had the same worries about you. And hey, it worked…"

Harry gave a hesitant little smile at the unexpected link to his father. Then it melted into a puzzled frown. "How do you know this stuff? You don't have any children….."

Sirius' grin widened. "Cousins. Lots and lots of younger cousins…"

Harry had to grin at that, and Sirius' grin widened to the point where it threatened to dislodge the top of his head as the Auror casually tossed himself into the lounge beside him with an honest laugh. Merlin, it was amazing how fast the Harry he knew was coming back. In the past few weeks he'd gained some weight back, lost some of that haunted look - started to smile, real smiles, not the brittle spun-glass mimicries he previously had to offer. Still a little uncertain, still a little worried, but they were perfectly natural fears, and they could work on that.

"There's so much I've missed, Sirius," Harry's soft voice drew him from his reverie, smile fading to a wistful look. He drew his knees up to his chest, rested folded hands on top of them, then his chin on top of that. "I missed her first smile, her first words, her first birthday - Merlin, I don't even know when her birthday is! I wish I'd known. I wish I'd been there when she was born, she's such a happy, lively little girl Sirius, I can't believe she's mine. She deserved better from me."

"It wasn't your fault, Harry. You know that. And you are giving her what she deserves - the chance to know her father." Leaning over, he nudged Harry gently with a shoulder, all at once a gesture of support and a distraction. "And trust me, you didn't want to be there when she was born. I was there…kind of…"

***

"No." Snape said

"Absolutely not." Snape said.

"Not in the deepest realms of random possibility." Snape said.

Remus offered him a tentative smile.

"Shit." Severus sighed. "You're going to try and make me do it anyway, aren't you?"

"It's just until the baby's born, I promise. Sirius has already agreed, and he promised not to do anything to interrupt your classes. You won't even notice he's there…"

"Remus, no." Snape folded his arms high up on his chest, elbows brushing against his belly. They were alone in the DADA classroom, brittle light seeping through the high-set windows and warming tiny patches on the stone floor around the warded door. "Two reasons. One, I don't need a babysitter - especially one as dubious as Black. Two, I have students facing exams in a short period of time. How much work do you think they will achieve in my classes with that staring at them?"

Remus nodded to Sirius, Sirius grinned, slipped off the desk he was using as a seat, and Snape watched as he shrunk down to a large furry dog.

"Delightful." Snape remarked. "I'm sure that the sight of a large Grim before exams will reassure them to no end."

Sirius resisted the urge to pee on his leg.

"Please Severus? They won't even notice him. He'll stay quiet under your desk during all your classes, I promise - "

"No!"

" - and I know your back has been hurting you today, so maybe he can carry some things for you? I don't want you to push yourself…"

Snape snorted. "Really? I thought that was what Wingardium Leviosa was for. And the marvellous thing about charms is that they don't have fleas." Sirius stopped mid-scratch and tried to nonchalantly put his leg back down.

"Please, Severus? I'm just worried. Poppy said it could be any time now and I know you won't give up your classes. I can't be with you, I have my own classes, but Sirius doesn't teach and I'd feel a lot better knowing you weren't alone with a class of panicking students when your time comes…" Remus gave him a pleading look and Sirius didn't even attempt to hide a doggy snigger. It was the one that the werewolf rarely used, the one that made him look like a worried child, the one that made you give in instantly to whatever he wanted.

And evidently not even Snape was immune. With a ruffled sigh, he gave in. "I agree to have your dog present in my classroom solely to assuage any worries you may have. Although I warn you the first time he attempts to mark his territory he shall go sailing out the uppermost window of the astronomy tower with a print remarkably resembling my boot upon his backside....."

"Of course." Remus was contrite.

Sirius scowled. hey! He was about to protest - then turned his head and became interested in a carpet pattern as the pair did their smoochy kissy thing. While he could deal with the fact that the pair were together, it didn't mean he had to watch it.

"Love you…"

Or hear it.

Turning, Snape waddle-stalked out of the room. Pausing in the door, the corners of his lips twitched evilly.

"Heel, Black."
 

Sirius whined a little doggy whine and pushed his nose further into his paws. Humiliating. That was the word. Completely and utterly humiliating. The only bright spot in the day was the fact that Snape couldn't bring himself to name him something completely vomit-provoking like "fluffy" or "cuddles" or god-forbid "Pepita"

The dungeons were hot and muggy with endless steam and fires from the cauldrons, lazily circling his ears and making him drowsy. He could feel it build up in his fur, layers of grime taking root and finally understood why Snape always looked so damn greasy.

"Combining dandelion with hops negates the soporific effect…"

He yawned and scratched lazily with a hind paw at an itch on his side. And he'd thought the classes were bad enough as a student. Four of them, in a row, without even the distraction of seeing how many Slytherin concoctions he could fuck up with a well-placed flobberworm were almost more than he could take. He would have just drifted off to sleep, but he'd promised Remus he would keep watch, and every time he felt his eyes lid Snape just happened to thwack him one with a casually shifted foot.

Staring at those polished boots he wondered if it would be worth the hell he would catch if he nipped one of them. Not bit, just…nipped. Made his displeasure known.

Probably not.

Whining again, he licked his nose and tried not to gag on the taste left in his mouth from the atmosphere.

The class became involved, distracting Snape and it would have been a perfect opportunity for Sirius to drift off to sleep - he knew once he was napping, it would take the forces of hell to wake him up, but… he sighed miserably. He'd promised Remus.

Staring mournfully up from his sprawl against the desk, he saw one of Snape's hands drift down to cradle under his belly, as if to support the weight. Ah hell, be honest, he'd promised Remus, but he also worried a little about Snape. He looked like a giant man-shaped water balloon - get him too close to any source of heat and *sploosh* he'd explode.

Had to admire him as a teacher, though. He refused to abandon his students - and to be frank, he could come up with all the snarky reasons he wanted but he knew it was refusal to abandon them before their O.W.L.S and N.E.W.T.S - despite the fact he was now bigger than a house and due to drop any day now, by Poppy's reckoning.

Only Snape himself and Remus knew how difficult it was for the potions master of late. And of course, through Remus, Sirius himself. Good sleep was a rarity, everything seemed to hurt, little feet poking and prodding all hours… He remembered quite vividly how uncomfortable Lily had been as she approached the end of her pregnancy - and she'd been built to bear children!

Well, obviously, so was Snape, but still….

He had an absurd urge to lick Snape's hand comfortingly and shuddered. He'd been spending too much time in dog form. Not to mention the fact that the astronomy tower was awfully high up and he wasn't exactly aerodynamically shaped in either form.

Lost in his musings, he almost missed it.

A light ~ting~ touched the air, the sound almost lost under the bubble of cauldrons and crackle of fires. And the wrist of the hand cradling Snape's belly turned lime green.

Sirius stared stupidly at it for a moment, almost ready to dismiss it as some weird potion reaction - then remembered what it was. A charm. One Madame Pomfrey had placed there a week ago. A warning one. Warning…

Lifting his wrist, Snape studied the colour of the charm for a moment, making a soft noise of dismissal.

Then he continued quite calmly with his marking.

Sirius yelped. Was the man insane? He got to his four feet, preparing to shift into human form. Suddenly the backache Remus had mentioned took on a whole different meaning. The daft git was in labour!

A booted foot descended on his head and pushed it back down to the floor, until Snape was done with the paper he was working on. Straightening it on the pile on the desk, he called the attention of his class with an even tone.

"McPartlin," the dark-haired boy approached the desk with all the enthusiasm of a pending castration victim. "Go to Professor Lupin. You will find him teaching a class of your fellow simpletons in the Defence against the Dark Arts classroom. Inform him that I am on my way to the infirmary." The student blinked for a second, then panicked as he realised what was happening and hurled himself out of the classroom without a word.

Cauldrons were ignored and quills laid down at the sound of the rapidly fleeing footsteps. This looked a lot more interesting than boiling slugs!

Snape returned their stares with a look of complete and utter apathy. "The rest of you, I advise you to take advantage of the only time I will ever allow myself to be free of your nauseating presence and depart. For those of you too befuddled by multi-syllabic words to glean my meaning: Class Dismissed. It appears that my daughter is ready to grace the world with her presence." So calmly was the news delivered that the students were half-packed with glee at the shortened lesson before it sunk in.

"Oh my god! He's in labour!"

"WHAT?"

"Snape's gonna pop?? Cool, can we watch?"

Severus brought his hand down on the desk with a short smack. He'd never had to resort to such pathetic means before - he usually found that simply stalking into a room was enough to terrify his students into obedience. But this time, cruder methods were called for.

They completely ignored it, of course.

Snape rolled his eyes. Remus was right. He was in labour with a class of panicking students.

"Sir…excuse me…sir..?" He stared with astonishment at the slight student standing before him. Donnelly. "Are you all right? Do you need someone to help you to the infirmary?"

Well, well, well. Surprises never ceased. Of all his students he wouldn't have thought Donnelly capable of rational thought in a crisis. All that seemed to fill that rather empty head was McPartlin and Quidditch. And the abominable habit of singing "We're on the snitch"…

He afforded a thin smile to the worried looking blonde. "No. An…attachment to the school has already been alerted and will be along shortly." A pointed foot up his backside let Sirius know this was his cue and he slunk out of the classroom, dodging through the scurrying feet of the students as they packed up. Outside in the hall, away from prying eyes, he quickly changed back to human form and re-entered the dungeon.

Shifting a little in his seat, Snape prepared to stand and just leave the entire panicky blithering lot to their hysteria. Except he couldn't. Not in his classroom, not with his potion ingredients, those Costerian snake feet alone were fragile as hell and had cost him a fortune. Damn.

"Everyone OUT!" Sirius' painfully cheerful boom rose easily across the babble and got the attention of the students. "Out, out out! You've got free time now and the sun is shining, the birds are singing…"

Severus sneered. Singing birds indeed. Nasty balls of feathers and crap. But it seemed to be working - quite happily leaving matters in the hands of an adult, the students poured out of the dungeons, chattering excitedly. After all, what could go wrong?

The Slytherin stayed.

A bare handful of students, they gathered themselves in a tight worried group before his desk, stepping around to help him to his feet, eyes flicking from their head of house to the animagus and back again in a silent question.

Here, Severus' tone softened. "It's safe to leave me alone with him," he assured them. "There's likely to be a long wait ahead, so I advise you to use the time to distract yourselves." His tone softened even more and he laid a gentle hand on the shoulder of a particularly worried looking student. "I'll have a house-elf keep you appraised of the situation, I promise. Go."

Slowly the Slytherin left - reluctantly, but as head of house, Snape's word was their god.

With the students went Sirius' cheerful façade, leaving behind the face of a man clinging to sanity by the skin of his teeth. When he'd agreed to babysit for Remus, he didn't actually believe the greasy git was actually going to go into labour!

Reaching out he went to put a supporting arm around Snape's back, changed his mind, went to put it back and ended up just shepherding around him in small circles as the other man made his sedate way out of the room and up the short stairwell. "It's ok, it's all right, nearly there, just a few more steps, don't worry, calm down"

"Take your own advice, Black." Snape snapped back. "I'm the one in labour here, not you." He sat down abruptly on the top step as the thought suddenly seemed to hit him.

He. Was going to. Have. A child.

"Oh dear." He murmured faintly.

"Snape?" Sirius hovered. He fussed. He gave in and sat down next to the other man. "what is it? Is it the baby?" he reached out and put a hand on the other man's belly, feeling a slight ripple and lift with a contraction.

Bewildered, Snape looked up at him. It was an expression he'd never seen before. Faintly the potions master asked if there was some sort of spell that could just put a giant hiatus on the entire world while he tried to adjust to the situation.

"Uh…it's a bit late now…" Sirius tried to put a positive spin on the situation, a 'make do with what you have' if you will, and near got his head bitten off for his trouble.

"Of course it's bloody too late you inbred mongrel!" Slapping the animagus' hand aside, Snape gripped the banister and pushed himself back to his feet. The moment was gone, and he made his way along the corridor.

Five steps along and they ran into Remus.

The werewolf was out of breath, robes flapping and boots skidding across the stone floor as he came to a stop alongside them. "I got your message," he panted. "You ok?"

Mutely, Snape showed him his wrist.

"Oh…we've got a while to go then...Just lemme….lemme get my breath back…" Remus staggered to a nearby bench and sagged down on it, resting his hands between his legs. "Ran all the way," he explained between pants. "Didn't even know I could run that fast…"

"Accio water." Snape waddled over and gingerly sat next to the other man, proffering the glass.

"Thanks." Remus took the glass, then wrapped his fingers around the other man's wrist with a little smile.

Sirius stared at them. Calm, sedate, just like they were having a picnic. "Snape's in labour" he pointed out, just in case the other two had missed it.

"We know. Got a while to go though." Remus gulped down the last of the water and sent the glass back to where it belonged. "There's no need to panic. It's not going to be a three second labour - Sev and I both know that." And discussed it. Dramatic scenes of comic hysteria were definitely not the style of the potions master. "Poppy put a charm on his left wrist. Gives us plenty of warning. The only thing we have to worry about is if it suddenly changes colour. It's supposed to blend from green to yellow to red, depending how far along Sev is. You're right though. The green is a bit pale." He pushed himself to his feet, then gently helped Severus to his feet, wrapping an arm around his waist. "We'd better go see Poppy."

Snape gingerly detached himself. "Past half the student body," he pointed out.

"You're right. We'd better not look too close. Last thing we need at a time like this is a gossip mill." Remus steadied the other man on his feet as he winced, hand dropping reflexively to his belly. "But you tell me if you need help, do you hear me? Fuck the students."

Snape laughed - actually laughed - and Sirius stared, jaw dropping. The pair was calm, far too calm, so he took up the slack in panicking for them.

"You're standing here talking when he's going to have a baby!" He sing-songed maddeningly. The animagus never looked more doglike in human form, bouncing small, frantic circles around the pair like an overexcited puppy. Reaching out, he grabbed Severus' arm. "Come on - "

"Will you stop your infernal yapping? I'm beginning to think that your years as a dog have caused so much hindbrain mammalian seepage that you're no longer capable of cognitive thought!" Irritably, Snape pulled his arm free. "Black, you are a complete - "

***

"A complete what?" Harry asked, hanging on the edge of his seat.

Black mumbled and tried to pass it off as 'Words best not spoken in polite company'

Harry didn't buy it. "Oh come on Sirius, you've probably called him worse - and in my presence! I've probably called him worse! What happened next?"

The animagus sighed miserably. "I don't know."

"What???"

Sirius shrugged helplessly. It was horrid of him to leave Harry just hanging there, but he had no more tale to tell. The embarrassing truth was that in his harried fussing concern he'd tried to apparate without thinking and dumped himself square in the middle of Hogsmead as the wards activated and expelled him. Thankfully when Snape had pulled his arm free at the last moment he'd been outside the Apparate circle and had stayed safe in the castle.

Harry sagged back into his seat. He could have at least told him the story ended so abruptly. "You're a bastard, Sirius."

"Yup."
 

Chapter Twenty-One -->

All Content Copyright © 2001 Taleya Joinson
Last modified: November 12, 2010